If you see something that’s not OK, like bullying or other abusive behaviour online, you have a choice: support the targeted person, or do nothing and keep scrolling.

If you decide to help, you’ve chosen to be an upstander.

Situations you may see that are not OK:

• People making hurtful comments about someone in a gaming chat.
• Nasty rumours being spread about a person through direct messages.
• Memes being posted to make fun of a person ‘as a joke’.
• A fake social media account being set up in someone’s name to embarrass them or send nasty messages to their friends. 
• Someone’s nudes being shared when they were meant to be kept private.

How can I be an upstander?

By doing something to help a person being bullied or abused online, you can be part of creating a positive cultural change.

A lot of people want to help if they see others being harmed online, but they don’t know how to, or they worry they’ll be attacked for speaking up. There are some ways to support the targeted person and help them feel less isolated while still keeping yourself safe. 

Depending on your style, what you feel confident doing and how someone is being bullied or abused, you may choose a different way to help each time, and that’s OK. All the options can have a huge positive impact. Here are some you can try on their own or combined with each other.

Reach out to the person being bullied or abused

Send a message to the person being bullied or abused. Ask if they’re OK and offer your support. Whether they’re your friend, or someone you only kind of know, a few words of support can go a long way.

Remember to use supportive language. It’s important to avoid phrases that might make them feel worse, like ‘You must be so embarrassed’ or ‘I would want to die if I were you’. You could say ‘Hey are you OK? I saw what was posted and it’s not cool’.

Let them know there are ways to get help, including reporting harmful content. You could send them these links and help them work out what to do:

• Bullying online
• My nudes have been shared
• Someone is threatening to share my nudes

You could also suggest they talk to a confidential counselling and support service.

If you don’t know the person who was targeted very well, you may be able to ask someone who’s closer to them to check they’re coping OK.

Call out the bad stuff online

If you feel confident and safe, speak up about the bullying or abuse you see online. It could be as simple as posting a comment, GIF or meme that says ‘This is not OK’. 

Or you could show your support by leaving a positive comment about the targeted person, such as saying what you like about them. This can take some of the impact away from the bad stuff and help the person feel better. 

Even if you’re not the one who was targeted by bullying or abuse, you can report it to the site, game or app where it happened. This helps to keep everyone safe online. Collect evidence as proof and check The eSafety Guide for links.

Say something to the person being mean

If you feel like someone is taking things too far online, think about reaching out to them privately to let them know what they’re doing could be causing harm. Maybe they’re unaware of how they’re making the other person feel. Or maybe they know it’s mean, and hearing that you think it’s not cool will help them change their behaviour.

Call in other support

It’s important to call in other support if the drama is getting serious or the person who was bullied or abused seems really affected by what was posted online about them – maybe they’re not turning up to school or they seem really withdrawn or less talkative.

Talk to a trusted adult like a parent, teacher or older sibling so they can help you work out what to do. You could show this page to them, to help explain what’s happening. Or you could get advice about what to do from a free, confidential counselling and support service like Kids Helpline (for young people up to 25).